A dear friend read me this quote recently and to be quite honest, it moved me to tears. Not only did the timing of this message pierce me deep in my heart, but I was touched by my friend's ability to see into me and know that this is exactly where I am right now. To remain tight in a bud is more painful than taking the risk to blossom.
We moved at the beginning of June, after living in San Antonio for thirteen years. We sold our house in one day, packed everything up within a month of the sale and arrived here in Dallas. Even though we had known for awhile the possibility of a move was very real, when it came time to actually do it, well, each one of us had our own burdens and grief to bear. I pulled in, focused on the moment by moment emotion and chaos that comes with a move and was overwhelmed by my maternal instincts to do whatever I possibly could to make this transition for my children to be as smooth as possible. I would be lying if I told you that it was easy, surely it hasn't been, and yet we as a family are closer than we have ever been. That could be because we lived in an apartment for a month, and for several weeks we were anonymous to anyone and everyone we saw, but really the truth is I think we all pulled in and took care of each other. In the midst of the chaos and the change we found a new rhythm, and a deeper faith in our God.
It's been four months. Sometimes it feels like four years. I only just now find myself able to see a little more clearly, feel a little more relaxed and am met with a new understanding that this is by God's design. He has thrown open the doors, ushering us into a new season ripe with possibilities. That's exciting and at the same time scary. Some days I want to stay pulled in and some days I want to jump right in and see what will happen next.
But I think mostly I want to trust God to help me breathe, to help me see that in time in this new place each member of my family will have deeper roots, will have connection and will in turn blossom. It's risky but oh so worth it.